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Everything Wrong with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 13 Minutes or Less
Everything Wrong with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 13 Minutes or Less is a 2014 web video written by the [[List of Honest Trailers writers|writers of''' Honest Trailers']], in a meta humor series swap with the YouTube channel CinemaSins. The video parodies the 2014 superhero sequel ''The Amazing Spider-Man 2. ''It was narrated by 'Screen Junkies' voice artist [[Jon Bailey|'Jon Bailey']]' and written by '''Screen Junkies writers''' Spencer Gilbert,''' Dan Murrell,' Andy Signore',' Gilli Nissim',' Matthew Brian Cohen' and [[List of Honest Trailers writers#Kevin Larsen|'Kevin Larsen']]. It is 13 minutes and 55 seconds long - significantly longer than any Honest Trailer ever produced. It was published on September 2, 2014 to coincide with the film's release on Blu-ray/home video. It has been viewed over 9 million times. Watch Screen Junkies' Everything Wrong with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 13 Minutes or Less on YouTube Production At the time of the video's release, CinemaSins' "Everything Wrong With" series and Screen Junkies' "Honest Trailers" 'series were two well-known, highly-viewed web series with snarky, comedic takes on movies. For one week only, the channels swapped web series for comedy and cross-promotional purposes. The same week, CinemaSins wrote and produced its own ''Honest Trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2. ''Though this video isn't strictly an ''Honest Trailer, it is nonetheless considered an episode of '''Honest Trailers Season 3. The video succinctly illustrates the differences between the Honest Trailers and Everything Wrong With approach to film criticism. CinemaSins' "sins" are mostly reactions and observations, whereas the "sins" in Screen Junkies' video take the form of humorous interpretation and analysis, and are structured as jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Screen Junkies and CinemaSins never repeated the series swap, though they did collaborate on some other projects. See the main page Comparison of Honest Trailers and CinemaSins for more information. Script Everything Wrong with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 13 Minutes or Less: A Screen Junkies/CinemaSins crossover. Spoilers! (duh!) # Sony # 48 seconds of logos # (Spider dies in a container) Look! It's a metaphor for what this movie did to the franchise. # (Peter's father he leaves the house and shuts door behind him: "Be good.") I get the Peter's dad had to leave, but he doesn't have to be a total dick about it. # (Richard: "What are you working on?" The assassin smiles as he washes his bloody hands.) Nothing to see here. Just washing some fresh blood off my hands. # Also, what did this guy do to the pilot? Rip his throat out? # (Assassin takes loaded gun from a drawer below the sink) Assassin leaves loaded gun where his victims could easily find it # (The assassin sticks a key into the exterior bathroom door) This bathroom locks from the outside # (Richard and the assassin fight each other) We interrupt this movie to bring you the poor man's [[Honest Trailer - The Bourne Trilogy|'Bourne Identity']]. # (The plane suddenly starts to plummet) Good thing that dead pilot was holding the plane steady this whole time # (Man shoots out one of the plane's windows) Ah the Snakes on a Plane school of bad guy removal # Seven minutes in children are starting to ask their parents why Spider-man isn't in the movie. # (Spider-Man falls through the air with his arms outstretched, the cars as small as ants beneath him) How did he get up that high? Did he jump out of a plane? # (Spider-Man spins through the air acrobatically) Physics # (Police radio: "A police chase is in progress.") Where's Spidey hiding that radio? # (Paul Giamatti chews the scenery) No one told Paul Giamatti this wasn't a cartoon. # (Random bystander: "SPIDER-MAN!!!!") Man, that bystander is loud! # (In a truck, the bad guys handle cylindrical glass jars filled with plutonium. Computer: "Warning, plutonium 238 is highly explosive.") Thanks for the exposition, computer! # (Spider-Man: Max Dillon "You're not a nobody, you're somebody") Hey, when you're done boosting this guy's self-esteem, there's still a plutonium-filled truck barreling through New York. # (In a truck, the plutonium-filled jars jostle around. Computer: "Warning! Violation of protocol.") Thanks again, computer. # (20 cop cars collide in a New York street). We interrupt this movie to bring you the Blues Brothers # (Standing on a New York street, Spider-Man whoops with joy! He is immediately taken out by a police truck.) Spider-sense? # (Hanging onto the front of the police truck, Spider-Man yanks out a cell phone. Gwen Stacy is calling him) Where was Spidey hiding that cell phone? In a skin-tight suit there's only one place he could be stashing his stuff. And you don't want to know where it is # (Gwen Stacy wears dark blue graduation robes and a mortarboard). Seven years after Superbad, Emma Stone is still graduating from high school # (Peters sees Richard sitting the passenger seat of a nearby car) Ghost dad # (Announcer: "This year's valedictorian, Gwen Stacy." Gwen looks up, astonished.) She looks pretty surprised to win valedictorian for someone wearing a scarf that says valedictorian. # (A balding guy in graduation robes) Guess that guy got held back like two... three... 20 years. # (Peter runs in, wearing his graduation robes and Spider-Man mask) Oh cool! Spider-man just came to our gradua- (Peter rounds a corner, now sans mask) Oh, it's just Peter Parker. # (Peter and Gwen dip kiss on stage. Hundreds of audience members cheer.) Way to make it all about you two. # (Aunt May: "I know the first thing your Uncle Ben would say.") Probably something boring about responsibility. # (Gwen: "Does your traffic jam have anything to do with the Russian mob?" She shows a picture of a truck barreling directly at the camera.) This photo was taken right before the cameraman died. # (Peter sees Richard in a crowd of graduation guests) Ghost Dad: Part Two - The Ghostening # (Gwen: "It's my father, isn't it?" Peter: "I promised him that I would keep away from you.") And you've clearly broken that promise between now and the last movie. # (In his bedroom, Peter pulls off his feather-covered Spider-Man suit and spits feathers out of his mouth) Did he just fight a chicken? # (In his bedroom, Peter holds an enormous salmon) Did he just fight a fish? # (Shop assistant: (grinning hysterically) "You're that Spider-Guy!") You're not gonna give him the Discount Double Check? # (High above the city, Peter stares as Gwen Stacy crosses a street) Spider stalking. # (Aunt May: (to Peter) "What happened to your face? It's filthy!" Peter's face looks like he recently went down a coal mine.) Doesn't he wear a mask? # (Peter throws a briefcase into his cupboard and closes the cupboard door) "I'll just stash this briefcase full of important information here, until the plot requires me to open it." # (Max Dillon peruses the items in his fridge) "Let's see, we've got Coffee-Mate, real stuff--Ooooh, an Electro Cake!" # (Max: "You like that Spidey?" Max drops his voice to a deep, seductive growl: "I like it a lot Max.") This is getting dangerously close to a slash fiction. # (Aunt May: "I start my training rounds at the hospital) In case we didn't have enough subplots going in already, Aunt May is becoming a nurse for some reason. # (Aunt May (to Peter): "Last time you did the laundry, you turned everything blue and red.") Soooo, purple? # (Aunt May: "Back off, eat your breakfast." She hands Peter a sandwich overflowing with leafy vegetables) Aunt May makes Peter an all-lettuce sandwich for breakfast. # (Oscorp hologram: "The world's first electromagnetic power grid.") Exposition hologram. # (Max: "Those power-grids were designed by me!") What a coincidence! # (Max and Gwen happen to be in the same elevator) What a coincidence! # (Max: "You know, Spider-Man saved my life one time. He saved me.") Everybody gets one. # (Harry Obsorn appears) 30 minutes in, and we're still introducing main characters. # (Norman Osborn (laying in his death bed): "This is not how I imagined I would die.") "I always imagined I'd be impaired by my own glider." # (Harry: "On my 16th birthday, you sent me scotch.") Sounds like a pretty cool dad to me. # (Norman: "Electro-viral hyperplasia.") A.K.A., the trying-to-make-Green-Goblin-into-a-realistic-character disease. # (Peter composes a new email on Gmail) Guess that lucrative Bing sponsorship from the first movie didn't pay off. # (An email from J.J. Jameson appears in Peter's inbox) J. Jonah Jameson does not appear in this movie. # (Newsreader: "This just in: Norman Osborn has died.") This just in: main character needs to be brought up to speed on the other characters' plot lines. Sports at 11. # (Max: "Can we shut down power in sector 32 please?" Maintenance man: "Forget it, I'm out the door.") Oscorp doesn't have 24-hour maintenance. # (Max attempts to repair the equipment. A large orange connector is disconnected and hissing steam) There's your problem right there. The thingy's all unplugged. # (Max falls through three levels on catwalk, into an open vat full of electric eels) "Hey boss, should we put a lid on these tanks?" "Nah, what's the worst that could happen?" # (Max's teeth sizzle with sparks) Electric dentistry. # So he gets electrocuted, bit by electric eels, electrocuted again, and blown up? How does this just not kill him? # (Peter: "Hey, Harry. Random." Harry: "What's up?") Someone got paid to write this. # (Peter clambers up on top of a river-side barricade and lays there) What is he doing? # Harry: "What's her name?" Peter: "Gwen Stacy. She works for you.") What a coincidence! # (Peter: "Just one Spider-Man. Or woman. We don't know.) Pretty sure the bulge and the lack of bewbs makes him a dude, dude. # (In the morgue, a corpse lays covered by a sheet near an open fire) I guess this is one of those discount morgues that leaves dead bodies out in the open with the crematorium running. # (Peter is honked as he steps out directly in front of traffic) Peter Parker is a dick to traffic. # (Peter: "You've got to figure out a more annoying laugh." Gwen guffaws perniciously.) Yep, that'll do. # (Max stands in a suburban street. Alarms blare from every single car around him.) Electro sets off all these car alarms because he's...electric? # (Still in the suburban street, Max sees Times Square). Ah yes, the suburban streets that leads directly to Times Square. # (Gwen: "Have you been following me?" Peter: "Just once a day. Sometimes.") Peter studied at the Twilight school of romance. # (Gwen: "I'm up for a scholarship at Oxford. And it's between me and this other kid. And there's this oral exam we have to do. And he's like a freshman in college, but he's 14.") God, is everyone in this movie a science genius? # (A cameraman films Electro. His footage appears on dozens of screens in Times Square.). This random camera guy has a live feed to every video screen in Times Square. # (Man shoots at Electro) Sure, just open fire at the guy because he's blue and wearing a hoodie. # (A huge chunk of building crashes into the street. Nearby bystanders cheer and clap) Run, you idiots! # (Electro: "It's my birthday. Now it's time for me to light my candles.") It's totally not your birthday anymore, dude. You fell into that tank the night before. # (Electro shoots lighting bolts) Electro and the screenwriters are making up powers as they go. # (A sign for the broadway musicals Mamma Mia! and The Jersey Boys collapses) Mamma Mia! Not the Jersey Boys! # (Peter: England? Really?) Yes, really! How many times can fate tell you it's a bad idea for the two of you to be together? # (The song "Gone, Gone, Gone" plays) Phillip Phillips. # (Peter retrieves an old framed family photo) That completely unrelated battle really got Peter thinking about his dead parents. # (Peter types "What is Roosevelt??" into Google) Two question marks don't get better Goggle results? # (Peter tapes the framed family photo to the wall) You know, it's way easier if you hang the framed photos with a nail. # (Peter sits on his bed, exhausted from building an elaborate link diagram of clues on his bedroom wall) This wall of craziness we just watched him build won't factor into the rest of the movie at all. # (Harry accidentally drops a device onto his father's computerized desk. The desk lights up) Oh, so that's how you turn this desk on. # (Bald guy in a lab coat on YouTube: "Batteries can withstand a lot of incoming charges.") Supposed science genius has to learn about batteries on YouTube. # (Close up of YouTube video, showing 257,529 views, 2 subscribers and zero dislikes) This guy definitely bought views on his video. He only has two subscribers! And look at that like ratio! Total fraud. # (Harry: "It's 14 years of research and nothing to show for it. Except maybe this." throws a edition of The Daily Bugle newspaper into the desk. Spider-Man is on the front page. The camera zooms onto a story in the top left had corner.) Oh look, the 5 Bourough School Budget passed! # (Harry: "I need his blood.") Here goes Kurtzman and Orci with the whole magic blood thing again. Didn't you guys get that out of your system when you were ruining Star Trek? # (Harry: "You took his Spider-Man's picture. You know him.") That's not how pictures work. # (Gwen runs into Peter as Oscorp) What a coincidence! # (Gwen takes Peter's hand and leads him into the Oscorp maintenance closet) The maintenance closet is the most clichéd hiding place ever. [Peter Parker: "This is the most clichéd hiding spot you could have chosen.") Oh um...sin retracted? # (Peter and Gwen kiss passionately) Yeah! F**k you! ghost dad! # (Harry and Gwen meet in the elevator) What a coincidence! # (Harry introduces himself to Gwen) Man, these Oscorp elevators are convenient places for characters that wouldn't normally meet to run each other. # (Electro emerges from a pit, strapped to a device by elaborate full body shackles) Good thing Oscorp had a prison cell for a being pure of electricity ready to go in case one ever showed up. # (Doctor: "I'm Doctor Kafka") Zee stereotypical German scientist, ja? # (Doctor: "Who are you?" Electro: "Don't you know? I'm Electro.") How could he know? That's the first time you've ever said it. # (Aunt May:(to Peter, tenderly) "Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide, even to people they love.") *clears throat* # (Harry: "You talk to Peter?" Peter: "Yup.") "It's funny, 'cause you just sound like him!" # (Harry skulls a large glass of scotch) Underage drinking! Arrest him, Spider-Man! # (Peter: "Our blood is incompatible. You could die." Harry: "I'm already dying.") Yeah, in like, forty years. # (Harry: "Your blood can't make be die more." Peter: "But it could do something worse.") If only one of us had access to some kind of massive science corporation to look into it. # (Peter: "Sorry." He leaps out the window and web-slings away) Well, that was a useful meeting. # (Peter swings into shot, colliding with a building) Kramer entrance. # (In a large hall, surrounded by signs reading "Oxford." Peter: "Where are we?") Signs point to Oxford. # (Gwen: "Peter? What do you want to say to me? What's the one thing?") Break a neck! I mean, break a leg! # (In his bedroom, Peter violently tears down his link diagram of clues) No! Not the wall of craziness! # (Peter's Dad's calculator smashes open, sending dozens of Subway tokens spilling across the floor) So his dad had to open up his calculator every time he took the subway? And why go through the trouble to hide them? They look like subway tokens. # (Harry: "Go home, Felicia.") [From Friday] "Bye, Felicia." # (Felicia: "I think there may be another way to get what you're looking for. I overheard Meghan talking with one of our security heads.") What a coincidence!) # (Electro: "A world without power. A world without Spider-Man.") Electro said different lines the first time we saw this speech. (Electro: "A world without power. A world without mercy.") # (Harry: "You've not going to bury me too." Man: " Looks to me like you're halfway in the ground already.") Really? 'Cause it looks like he's got a little boo-boo to me. # (Harry: "I know my way out.") Let him go men! I'm sure he won't do anything crazy. # (A dark, empty subway station) If Neo shows up looking for the Train Man, I'm out. # (Video: "My name is Richard Parker.") So Peters' dad uploaded this confessional video to a secret subway station laboratory just in case someone eventually broke his calculator to find the secret subway tokens and investigate? Got it! # (Harry: "You submitted the design for the grid and they stole it and now you want it back. You want to take back what's yours.") Harry absorbed all of Max's history and motivations from that 10-second video he saw ten minutes ago. # (Electro dematerializes) Add dematerialization to Electro's sloppy list of powers. # (Electro re-materializes) Add Dr. Manhattaning to electro sloppy list of powers. # (He's wearing black shorts) Add creating boxer briefs to Electoro's- ehh, f*** it! # (Electro: "I had a friend once. It didn't work out.") And whose fault was that? (Electro throws Spider-Man into a police car) # (Gwen: "I got in to Oxford! I'm on my way to the airport right now.") Gwen Stacy moves to England with an hours of finding out she got the scholarship. # (Electro: Donald Menken "Remember me?) Nope. It's the first time these two characters have met face to face in the entire movie. # (Electro wears a full body black suit that shows off the muscles in his chest and abdomen) Where did he get that fabulous leather outfit? # (Electro dematerializes) So he's no longer a physical being? Where do his clothes go? # Harry and Menken wall through a room filled with prototype military suits. Harry: "What is all this stuff?) This, Harry, is the Oscorp Hall of Spinoffs # (Harry: "Do it! Now! Menken injects a substance into Harry's right arm.) Dude, not in the gun arm! # Security lockdown protocol involves opening the door to military-grade hardware. # (Harry puts on one of the military suits) Good thing the Green Goblin's suit was already sized for a five foot nothing teenager. # (Gwen looks out at a bridge. Spider-Man has written 'I LOVE YOU" on it using spider silk) Vandalism # (Peter:(to Gwen) "England. Both of us.") With great power comes great responsibility. Unless the girl you're porking moves to England. # (In the distance, well out of sight, Electro materializes. Gwen: "Is that Max?") Gwen Stacy has supervision. # (Gwen: "Do you remember 8th grade science class?") No, he hasn't got to that YouTube video yet. # (Gwen: "I'm coming with you I've seen the grid specs and I know how to reset the entire system.") What a coincidence! # (Electro: "Do you see me now, Spider-Man?") He's the only one who saw you in the first place, which makes your sudden hatred of him make absolutely zero sense. # (Spider-Man swings onto the power plant's clock tower) What kind of power plant has a clock tower? # (The song "Incy Wincy Spider" plays in booming thumps. Peter: "I hate this song.") That makes all of us # (Spider-Man is struck by multiple bolts of electricity) I know they say is soot is rubberized but even so --that is a lot of electricity to absorb with no consequences # (Gwen: "You web me to a car?! What are you, a caveman?!") Can this wait? Kind of in the middle of a fight with my nemesis here. # (Richard appears( Ghost Dad 3: Ghost Dad Takes New York. # (Peter: "Do it now!" Far away, Gwen responds t his command and pulls the lever.) Gwen Stacy has super hearing # (The Green Goblin cackles) This movie still isn't over yet. # (The Green Goblin has black teeth) Spider venom gives you meth-mouth. # (Green Goblin looks at Gwen then Spider-Man. Green Goblin (knowingly) "Peter!") Oh, now he gets it. # (Peter: "Fight me, let her go!" Green Goblin: "Okay." He drops Gwen. She plummets hundreds of feet through the air) Green Goblin subscribes to the Joker's supervillain school of taking things literally. # (Peter shoots a strand of web to catch Gwen. The tip of the strand forms a hand.) Obvious metaphor is obvious. # (Peter's web catches Gwen just before her body hits the ground. Her neck snaps back and her head hits) Not to be insensitive, but after a fall like that there's no way that's a closed head wound. # (Peter cradle's Gwen's dead body) On the bright side, a 14-year old boy just got a scholarship to Oxford. Yay! # "Mourning as the seasons change" montage from Twilight # (Man: "You're looking better." Harry: "It comes and goes.") How convenient. # (Newsreader: "Since the disappearance of Spider-Man 5 months ago). (Shots of bare trees and snow) So it's been five months since Gwen Stacy died and she was taking early summer classes, then climate change has hit New York in a big way. # (Aunt May: "That Spider-Guy. Too bad he's disappeared. Seems like everybody really needs him.") *clears throat* # (Video of Gwen Stacy's valedictorian speech: "Hold on to hope." Where does this footage come from? There was no camera at this graduation. # (Rhino opens up his mechanical suit, revealing his soft fleshy face. A cop looks up an stares, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's holding a gun) Now! Shoot him now! # (A kid in a Spider-Man costume crawls under the barricade and runs towards the chaos) Mom brings her kid downtown to go watch a massive firefight. # (Rhino: "My combatants are back!" The kid stares.) Tobey Maguire # (Kid: "I knew you'd come back." Peter: "You're the bravest kid I've ever seen." Rhino stands idly in the steer. His soft fleshy face is still unprotected.) Now! Shoot him now! # (Peter sends the kid back to the crowd on onlookers. They cheer and clap.) Run, you idiots! # (In epic slow-motion, Rhino charges at Spider-Man. Spider-Man swings towards Rhino, hurtling a manhole cover at him) This was such a great shot in the trailer! I can't wait to see what comes next-- (Screen cuts to black.) It's over?! Well, f*** you too, then! Move sin tally: 157 Sentence: BONUS ROUND: Sony Product Placement Happy video game music plays. A montage of Sony product placement. The camera zooms in on the logo and text appears on the screen: Sony logo (+1), Columbia: A Sony Company (+2), Sony laptop (+5), Sony laptop again (+10), Sony laptop again (+15), Sony phone (+20), Sony phone again (+25), Sony laptop & Sony camera (COMBO x2), Sony TV (+30), 7 Sony TVs (+35, COMBO x2, x3, x4, x5, x6, x7), Sony laptop (+40), Sony video camera (+45), Sony TV (+50), Sony phone (+60), Sony TV (+75), Sony phone (+100), Sony TV (+250), Sony laptop (+500), Sony TV (+750), Sony TV (+1000), Harry Osborn whistles the Jeopardy theme song (+2500 Sony produces Jeopardy), Sony camera (+5000), Sony laptop (+7500), Sony laptop (+10000), 3D World: Created by Sony (+25000), Sony logo again (+50000), A Columbia Pictures Release: A Sony Company (+100000). Movie Sin Tally: 2, 899, 270 Sentence: Gwen Stacy's Laugh Coach (Gwen guffaws perniciously) Jeremy Scott of CinemaSins: Well, that was weird. Click on the link above to check out the Honest Trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 from CinemaSins, and as always, subscribe. Trivia * Screen Junkies later revisited the film in their episode'' Honest Trailers - The Amazing Spider-Man 2.'' * Jeremy Scott of CinemaSins made a cameo appearance in ''Honest Trailers - Fast Five''.'' * Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts' referenced his personal beef with CinemaSins in Honest Trailers - Kong: Skull Island.'' * See the '''Comparison of Honest Trailers and CinemaSins '''page for more information about the links between the two series. * For more information on '''CinemaSins, visit the CinemaSins Wiki powered by FANDOM Reception '''Screen Junkies' '''take on ''"Everything Wrong With..." was well received, achieving a 95.7% approval rating and over 9 million views. In comparison, '''CinemaSins' version of "Honest Trailers" achieved a 75.1% approval rating and over 4.7 million views. SlashFilm wrote the channels were "usually considered rivals," and said it was "fun to see both of these teams have fun with each other’s format." Production credits Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Andy Signore, Gilli Nissim, Matthew Brian Cohen, and Kevin Larsen Edited by Dan Murrell External links * 'Everything Wrong With ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2,’ and an Honest Trailer Too '- SlashFilm article Category:Screen Junkies Category:Web series Category:CinemaSins Category:2010s Category:Superheroes Category:Spider-Man Category:Franchises Category:Meta Category:Series swap Category:Marvel Category:Reboots Category:Season 3 Category:Columbia Pictures Category:Sony Pictures